she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
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So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
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I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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