Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
