So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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