What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
