At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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