i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
