She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
