she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
