Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
