Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
