I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My vagina is very pro this idea
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
