1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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