i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
