Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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