My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
