He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
