Got a toothbrush?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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