Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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