I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
