shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Randomize
