I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
