my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
