Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
