You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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