Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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