I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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