ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
