Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
