so let's talk penis.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
