we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
