I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
