i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
