I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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