I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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