Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
