He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
