That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
