Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
