it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
