so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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