please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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