also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
