Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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