All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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