I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
