when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
