He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
