the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
