she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
