Where did you get a picture of my penis
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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