Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
