Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Success! We fucked roommates!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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