I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
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