is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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