Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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