my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
