I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
