I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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