so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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