Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I will pee on everything he values.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
