You just made me feel so damn special
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
