I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
