there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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