i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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