i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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